Stress!

I had the worst Saturday ever, in a long time anyway.

We met up with hubby’s friends on Saturday night. They are mostly a year younger than us, and got married 1 – 2 years after us. And, they’re all with children!! It was so super distressing, watching the friends with their daughters, or hearing about another one who has a 4-month old at home, and about another who has a 1+ year old child and just delivered another (how fertile!!) and, about one who got married 7 months ago and the wife is 7 months pregnant now! Man, we feel so “behind time”. I mean, these are the folks who got married AFTER us, and they’ve all settled down in life.

So where did it go wrong for us both? Well for starters, when we got married 3.5 years ago, we were not ready for a child yet. I just changed jobs one month before my wedding, and wanted one year to establish myself. And then, we were renting an apartment only. I wanted to move into our own house first before having a baby.

But then a year later, we hadn’t moved yet, and then I got another job offer. If I took the offer, it meant a better job and more money, but another year to wait before trying for a baby. We discussed it and we were ok with it. One year after that we started trying (we just went off contraceptives) but it didn’t happen. Of course, I think our lifestyles were to be blamed too. I was traveling for work quite a bit, plus most of the time we’re just tired.

If you ask me, I wish I did things differently. I wish I just didn’t bother about “waiting” and just tried from the very beginning. Life wouldn’t be as stressful as it is now. I’m so worried now that the stress of “trying” while we are on Clomid will take its toll on us.

And there’s always something to be done, somewhere to go, work gets in the way etc. I want to be stress-free and relaxed with my husband, but it doesn’t seem to happen. I will feel like an absolute failure if I don’t conceive within the next 2 months. Guess there’s nothing much I can do about that now. Gotta hope for the best, and really hope & pray God blesses us real soon.